48 little hours

I have had a full two days away and while nothing substantial has happened plenty of little things have; I had an online college class (which I felt lost in), got my exam results (failed, disappointed but not shocked), did some revision, continued with my Spanish lessons and I’m now closing on 100 days in a row, went for a great run and started intermittent fasting again (16 hours taking in nothing but water, followed by an 8 hour window to eat), I’m sure there’s more but I’m certain the finer details like how many shitty nappies I’ve changed is irrelevant.

I have written a little bit more on my notes regarding the story I’m working on at the minute (Mulligan) but nothing concrete. Not sure what the plan is going forward at the moment, doing badly at college has knocked me a little so I need to revise and work on that first, also I have a few errands to run tomorrow alongside regular family life. Today is Thursday, my aim over the weekend is to definitely get some more writing done (after revising) but I do have to be honest with myself at the minute and admit I’ve been really wanting to buy a new game and binge out on it. Maybe I can treat myself if I do well, saying that I am already treating myself to an excessively large burger and pizza fries either tomorrow or Saturday evening. Not much more to say other than yes I do see the irony within myself – I’m fasting but already planning a takeaway, I want to be productive but I’m struggling to not play video games, I’m disappointed to be failing in college but I struggle to put in the effort and revise. Self-sabotage, fear of success, low self-esteem, something else, a mix of all the above? Probably.

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