Exactly four weeks ago came my last update and while much has happened I have constantly struggled with a desire to write, to create, to dream and get lost in a world entirely of my own imagination. On reflection the recommendation is, and as plenty others would remark, ‘just write’ but it’s not as easy as that. It is as easy as that, and it’s not as easy as that.
I could hate the book I’m currently reading whilst simultaneously longing to start a new book I’ve recently purchased but I cannot put book number one down until I’ve finished it; I will slog and mope and force myself to finish the book and often my thoughts on the book are the same, or worse, upon completion as they were at the midpoint or whenever I first realised it wasn’t for me. Point being if I attempt to burn the candle at both ends I only succeed in scorching my fingers.
For a while finishing, and at times hopefully passing, college has been my primary concern and foolishly perhaps once I was close to actually finishing college I put my name forward for a ten-week course which ended two weeks ago but I still have to take the final test – which by chance is tonight and I perhaps should be revising right now. Once I have taken this test I am finished with college until at least September and that mental capacity which I feel I’ve had to leave vacant for education is now available. It is that space that I now want to dedicate solely to writing.
Unfortunately, I will be returning to work on Monday and I have to put some more effort into the sweet shop so while mental capacity has opened up my physical energy and time constraints have closed somewhat. For the entirety of my life this has been the way and I fear this will always be the way; If I had this I would do that, if the stars align just right I will be in just the right position, well if I didn’t have to X I’d be more than able to Y. While this looks self-depreciating or like I’m making pre-emptive excuses that is absolutely not the case. I’m in a positive state of mind and looking forward to making time, making space and (prepare for a cliché-induced eye roll or projectile vomit) make magic.
Going back to how the previous four weeks have been spent I will start with the test I am taking tonight. Three and two weeks ago I did mock tests and got 90% and 100% respectively. The pass rate is 60% so I am confident but still a little nervy. I was due to take my exam last week and was substantially less nervous but unfortunately I could not make the exam as Penny (my girlfriend) tested positive for Covid a week earlier and we had to isolate for ten days.
A number of people from her office were ill and/or tested positive so it looks like the outbreak started there but it’s also viable that Penny took it in to work. It started with a headache but for two or three days she was very weak and dizzy among other symptoms. It took her more than a week to get close to back to normal. Rosie (our one-year-old) also tested positive but wasn’t ill at all thankfully while Spencer and I tested negative. It didn’t help that we had the very uncomfortable, and uncharacteristic for the UK, heatwave melting us but thankfully all seems back to normal now.
As mentioned previously I will be back to work on Monday. I should have been back already but the agency that had a great job with a better company lined up has delayed multiple times so I’ve applied elsewhere and had two new jobs vying for me to start immediately. One paid slightly more but was further away and would need me to be the first person of my trade on-site in an already behind schedule job so I opted for the lower-paying, closer, more organised job. They were also happy for me to start Monday taking in to account my requirement to sort childcare whereas the other job were pushing for me to start today (for context I only spoke to them for the first time yesterday).
I was hoping to write a little more (and take my total word count for all of my blog posts passed ten thousand words) but Spencer is hungry and Rosie has just woke from her nap so I’ll have to cut this short and get back to you tomorrow for another update and fingers crossed the top news story will be that I have passed my test and that I am now completely finished with college for the time being. Cross your fingers for me.