Friday 13th September 2019

It’s half nine in the morning and following dropping my step-son in to school and girlfriend in to work I’ve driven to a commercial park to make a few boring purchases. I’ve broke my fast early today to treat myself to a McDonald’s breakfast. I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve this treat but I’ve had it nonetheless.

Whenever I watch these challenge videos on YouTube or read blogs they seem to be these super humans that have it all figured out (usually no job too which must help), this makes me wonder if my own blog and future similar endeavours will do well. On the one hand I think so because it may be refreshing to read the updates of someone from the beginning of the journey, along with bumps in the road, straight up failures, moments of doubt, what I did to overcome these hard times and maybe lessons learned. This would be refreshing for me to read at least; it makes me feel a little shitty when I read about the successful people who just did it no matter how hard it was. Their difficulties (both current and past) don’t seem relevant when I already know they have millions of subscribers, have passive income streams, don’t have to work a traditional job and don’t have similar issues to me. Maybe people will read this stuff who are in a similar situation to me and they’ll be able to relate more with me than some guy trying to make £10,000 in a month or trying to get six pack abs in 28 days while not having to go to a job they hate each day and spend hours on the phone talking to the bank, or the tax office, or companies you owe money trying to explain why you’re planned payment bounced. These internet celebrities seem to have no concept of juggling ten sticks of dynamite all with their fuses lit; trying to hold together their finances, keep on top of menial jobs around to house, provide for a family, maintain a relationship, be a good person and raise a child as best you can on the limited money, time and energy you have. And if they do have a past where they had to live like this it seems so far removed from the current character they portray on their videos telling us don’t forget to subscribe, on their blog advising us to start each day with a smile or all over social media telling us how we just need to follow our passion no matter what. I am very lucky with what I have; the country I was born in, the family and friends I have, the relationship I’m in, my amazing step-son, I’m definitely working class but I’m not out on the street, I’m not in any kind of immediate danger. I have have a few nice things and can afford some little luxuries in life. But despite all of that, in this journey I’m on I am most definitely at the bottom. I am on level one no doubt about it. If anything maybe I’m below level one because I have debt and plenty of other obligations I have to take care of every single day adding a little difficulty to the task ahead of me. I recognise wholeheartedly that many, many others will have it much harder than me and will find things much more difficult but I’m just trying to get across that I’m just an everyday, working class, damaged person with plenty of flaws who will no doubt fail time and time again. And I’ll document it all as best as I can.

So that’s one side of the argument. Why reading about Wang average guy trying could work. Surely that’s the reason us Brits all love watching Del Boy, he’s human and he fails more often than not. But on the flip side could reading about some everyday guy with normal people problems be boring? Pretty much 99% of the world’s population could write about their problems and how hard it is to try and make a better life for themselves. Do we actually enjoy watching those more successful than us? Is it some kind of self-torture or maybe we feel we’ve achieved something by associating ourselves with these successful bloggers, YouTubers and internet celebrities. Psychology has always been a big interest of mine so this is definitely something I want to look in to more. It’s like these kids who will watch hours upon hours of other people playing a game that they themselves own and could be playing but they seem to enjoy watching someone else do it. Do they feel the same achievement of completing the game without actually having to lift a finger and go through the frustration of trying. I guess it’s only similar to how we go through a range of emotions watching our favourite sports team. It’s not like we’re out there playing awful or even winning championships but we feel as though we’re right there with them, without having to leave the comfort of our living room.

I’ve been sat here for over half an hour doing at my coffee whilst writing this and milling over a few things in my head. It’s reminded me just how much I used to love doing this. After I finished my university course I got a sales job and remained in that town rather then move back home and one of the perks of this job was I would arrange my meetings around my day and would usually keep mornings free so I could take a fifteen minute work to the coffee shop just to sit and read or write, people watch and enjoy a bit of tranquility. I was in no rush to be somewhere, I wasn’t cheating myself or anybody else to be here. Similarly when I lived in Spain I didn’t start work until four in the afternoon so I would do the exact same: head to a cafe and enjoy a coffee or two and maybe a bite to eat while reading my book, jotting down my thoughts or just watching the world go by. It’s nice to get out of the house and away from the TV, those same four walls, the washing up that needs doing, that shelf that still needs putting up. Most of all getting away from that damn clock on the wall loudly reminding me every single second that my day at home is coming to an end. Making sure I don’t forget just how soon I’ll have to go and pick my loved ones up from work and school. The constant torture that this free time you have right now will soon be over and you’ll be back in work wishing you were more productive. And like every person we release our inner petulant child and remark how today is Friday so actually I also have Saturday and Sunday off to do what I want. Maybe I’ll be productive and create this whole better life tomorrow, actually it seems like more of a Sunday thing to do.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *